This tragedy has really messed me up. At times I am totally fine, and other times like this morning I can't handle anything. I went to work the last couple of days just for a little bit to get a sense of normality back into my life, but at times I would just blank or get confused and frantic. I took a day off, it's gonna take time. This has been an interesting trip into my own self awareness. And lots of conflicting emotions from happiness, to guilt for being happy, to sadness. I always get a smile when I think of Matt's life and our times together, but then I start to think of the opportunities and times we wont get to share in the future and I get all choked up. I have a feeling life is going to be about learning to live with this void, not fill it.

Now we have a beautiful boat, that will take us to wonderful places, that will take care of us in tough times, and who's character we will learn and grow with. Anyone who feels boats are inanimate chattels probably should not own a boat, or are doing so to boost their ego. Jennie and I as a result of previous experience with boats and boat buying strongly believe that the boat finds you. This has been the easiest boat buying experience yet. Jennie told me that while she was walking along with the previous owner that they were talking about the boat and the sale, and Jennie said to him "the right boat chooses you when the timing is right, if Cypraea was meant to be our boat she'll be our boat." We have been in negotiations where we would have ended up with the wrong boat at the wrong price at the wrong time, but fate did not let that happen. So it feels right being a boat owner again, because it's time to be a boat owner again.

One thing we're very pleased about is Cypraea's name. Cypraea was originally christened as this name, and we are going to keep it that way. You need to respect your boat, treat it well, and honour it's identity and then she will do the same for you. Some of you may think this is Crazy, but we never changed the name on our last boat, and "Avanti" meant moving forward and what great memories she brought us, and never any hastle. Ask someone who changed the name on their boat and they have probably spent almost the cost of the boat in repairs and upgrades, and have had some very angry boat like situations they have faced. So we will go with our experience and keep her as she is; put in the maintenance and a few add ons. I have a feeling the world is working out this way for a reason.

A side note, when I talked to Jennie last night I asked her, "Do you think the boat is pretty?"

She said "Yeah, why?"

My reply, " Because a boat is like a wife (or husband), she's gonna cost you a ton of money, stress and grief; but it's all worth it if you think she's gorgeous."

She got a good laugh.

It feels good to be talking about boats again.